when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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