let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
