I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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