"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
