I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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