I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
