Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
