what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
