So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
