You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
