First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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