I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
