So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
