I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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