let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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