Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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