I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
