I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
