i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
