Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
