I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
