I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
