They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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