In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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