I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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