sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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