I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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