Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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