I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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