he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
