Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
