Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
