I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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