I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
