I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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