You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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