First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
