I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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