Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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