Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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