I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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