Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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