That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
worst night to have a conscience
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
