Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i now understand why vodka
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
