One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
