the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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