i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
