we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
