Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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