marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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