Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
