Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
