Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
