does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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