I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize