awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
