I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
