Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
