I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
