We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
