Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
