so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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