You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
