he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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