Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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