Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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