Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
