You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
