holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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