I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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