the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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