So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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