It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize