Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want nice things and good sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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