I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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