my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
