State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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