I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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