I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
