i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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