So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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