billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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