remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i have two assholes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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