Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
