Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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