using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
