Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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