dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
