I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
