do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
